16 years ago I was diagnosed with a crippling disease;
Austin was only 2 months old when it first hit. I remember the pain I felt in
my hands as I struggled to lift him and vowed at that point I would not let
this ruin my life. I have to admit I have done well learning to deal with it,
until recently. I was in a minor car accident the Saturday after Thanksgiving
and jammed my right wrist. Since then I have been having flare-ups that haven't
been this way in years. It's as if the accident reopened the wound and now it
is attacking in full force again. I don't know how to change my life to
accommodate this disease, and I don't know where to find the strength I need to
get through this. I will admit I have taken a lot for granted over the past 16
years, some days (like today) something as simple as turning on the shower, or
making a pot of coffee is extremely challenging. The past month has been
horrible as far as my arthritis goes; Christmas Eve was probably the worst day
I've experienced in the past 13 years. I woke up early knowing I had a lot to
prepare and low and behold my hands didn't want to move. I struggled through
the day trying everything I knew how to get through the cooking and baking that
had to be done. I was assigned to bring crackers and a cheese ball to our
annual Christmas party, which normally wouldn't have been a problem but I
couldn't even open the cream cheese without tearing up! Tim thankfully noticed
my pain and offered to open the remaining packages of cream cheese (and then I
got the lecture of "all you have to do is ask and I will do it for
you"); determined not to give up, I attempted cutting up green onions,
this task was too much - I couldn't put any pressure on the knife and ended up
an emotional wreck. Tim luckily stepped in and did this part too. That is when
it really hit me hard that I had to make some major changes and learn how to
ask for help. Last week I finally got an X-ray done on my wrist... The results
were not what I was prepared to hear. My RA has moderate to severely deteriorated
the joints in my hand and wrist, meaning there is nothing I can do to alleviate
the pain except for joint replacement surgery! How on earth am I supposed to
accept something like this?
