I used to be a Mom you could find in the yard playing ball with my kids, trying to "break the egg" on the trampoline, occassionally cranking up the stereo and dancing with my girls in our frontroom.
The key word here used to be; I am trying to accept my life with this disease affecting every movement I make. Today, I am grateful I was able to turn on the shower, pour a cup of coffee (using both hands) and unlock the door to the office. All of the little things I never thought twice about doing, all of the sudden are my big accomplishments for the day. I am trying very hard to stay positive and hope that the medications they have me on will work and enable me to get back to doing what I love. This is the hardest part, I attempt to play catch on a "good" day and get shooting pains in my hands and wrist, attempt to help Kaysie practice her pitching and get pain in my knees. I don't know how to be a parent and not be able to play with my kids. Recently it was brought to my attention I am "moody", I know I am and I don't know how to fix it, trying to accept the debilitating effects of this disease is a real downer. Many mornings I wake up and ask the question, why me? This is not getting me anywhere, I am a happy person at heart and want to be able to accept life for what it is and stop dwelling on what I can no longer do. I somehow need to change my frame of mind and be grateful for all I can still do.
Starting today I am going to celebrate the small accomplishments, remind myself how lucky I am to have such great people surrounding me and be grateful for what I can do and stop focusing on what I cannot. I need to figure out a new way to make memories with my kids, take advantage of the good days that I have more mobility, and find acceptance in my life.
